my life as shaped by 2008

sorry folks, it's been a while since i've last been in touch with my laptop here. It's not like me to delay so long on my reflections on the past year and foresights for the new year however I have good reason (as i always do). my cousin Toots arrived from the philippines shortly before Christmas to temporarily live with my family and since she's not working, the majority of her time is spent on my laptop--every day. i'm not casting blame on her for my lack of writing because of course all i have to do to get it back is ask. so my second reason is due to some great news and development in my professional life. i mentioned in some of my past entries that i began working for Apple retail in October. i took advantage of the few hours i was scheduled each week to highlight my work ethic, exemplary customer service skills and enthusiasm ; ) ...nonetheless my hard work paid off because amidst the din and chaos of holiday shopping, my managers reviewed my month-to-month progress, general attitude and effort and offered me the honor of a full-time position. i was ecstatic and considering that i did not receive word from any of the other organizations i applied to, i readily accepted. this certainly is not the economic environment in which one should be picky especially if it comes wrapped with a great team and benefits. it's been a full month since THE offer and i'm definitely happy and excited to see where the road of 2009 will lead me. so far, the customer experiences i've encountered have enriched my life and provided me reason to wake up every morning. i will have to expand on some of those encounters in a future post. 

today really is just meant for catching up. 

2008 has come and gone. in retrospect, i would consider it to have been a very climactic year in my short life. my plans changed from month to month, some decisions which seemed trivial then turned out to be quite significant in shaping the path for future plans and decisions to follow. i didn't write about it then, but last spring i had in my mind that i would spend 6 months after graduation living abroad in london off the little cash i had saved up, the surplus student loans i had in my account, and peddling for a part-time job wherever i could get one. after much debate with friends + mentors and months of hesitation, i eventually saw reason in staying in the U.S. while beginning the steps to stabilize my life. in the short run, i have no regrets in staying here for now because had i not, i probably would not have gotten this job at Apple and this time for me to refocus my thoughts and goals for at least this year. i've decided that trying to plan ahead the next five years is just non-sensical. each minor decision made each month or year in the long run is really not that minor considering how it may affect future decisions.

i refrain from listing resolutions or personal goals such as losing weight, blogging weekly, etc. for 2009 because i haven't really followed through with them in the past and i really haven't created one since high school. there are a couple of things i'd like to accomplish this year that i'm determined to tackle, however i may need some encouragement and motivation to get started on the first: study and take the GRE. yes, that's first on the list. while it seems minor, it's important. i don't know what grad program i want to get into yet, but getting the test done and out of the way is step 1. we'll worry about choosing a program [and school] when it's time to cross that bridge. second is: finish paying off my current debts and start a new one(s), which leads to the third goal: move out of my parents house and get an apartment. as much as i love them and appreciate the free rent, it's really time for me to live my own life. i'm more than happy to come over whenever necessary to help them with technical problems, troubleshooting, and occasionally food, but i need my own space. 

and i guess there is one more goal for this year that doesn't really belong in the above category of "life" changes...#4 is schedule a week+ in the off-peak season to traverse to Spain with my best friend. i bought the lonely planet book last week, i have the money stashed in a CD. i just need to make sure i don't waste away my few vacation days before we actually agree on a departure date. that's currently our only obstacle, agreeing on a date. she's pretty much set on going in the summer whereas it's more convenient for me to go in the spring or fall. i'll have to keep you posted on the progress of all the above.

brief recap. i'm not creating 2009 resolutions, i'm establishing concrete goals that i'm determined to accomplish.

1. study & take GRE (alloting 3-4 months while working 40 hrs/week)

2. finish paying off current debts (3+months)

3. get own apartment by no later than sept. 25

4. agree on a date to travel to Spain

we'll see where i'm at with these by spring. i'll make sure to revisit this list often. my advice to you faithful readers is, if you've got personal goals that you'd like to attain, set specific timeframes in which to achieve them. without a timeframe and specific steps with which to reach them, they just seem like unconquerable Goliaths or unreachable Mt. Everests. it's always been helpful for me to break down those large goals into mini-goals that can be achieved one week at a time. try it and let me know how it goes for you. best wishes as we all embark on our LIFE JOURNEY's of 2009!!

personal challenge

so much for attempting to post something at least once a week. while a lot has been going on, i just haven't had the desire to write or share about anything. also, the abundant time i used to spend online was increasingly replaced by more hours at work, which is a good thing and very grateful for it. aside from growing and developing amazing relationships with customers and team members at Apple, i've also been just going through some personal stuff that i wish would just stop re-surfacing. i'm putting all my effort into focusing on other things right now. 

for weeks, i've been meaning to blog about my thoughts on the holidays and my friend ansley's missions in Chad...

as time allows, i try my best to catch up with Ansley's stories and experiences in Chad (howeareyou.blogspot.com). when i reflect on the timeframe between when I was in Peru to now, I've come to the realization of how easy it's been for me to quickly forget the needs of the world. I'm saddened by how easily I've allowed myself to become wrapped up in what I want, in my goals and ambitions rather than thinking about what I can do for others with my [current] talents and resources. I thank and admire Ansley for her courage and dedication during this year-long mission because she reminds me of what's truly important -- especially during this commercially driven holiday season. 

I wish I did not have to be reminded this lesson so often, unfortunately that's the reality of the human mind and time. Time is unforgiving and sometimes selective with our memories. If we don't strive to exercise/live our convictions daily, time will do it's natural course and will slowly become just merely memories. 

so, this is more a challenge for myself but i encourage you also to find a small way that you can make a difference in someone else's life this season. it can be as simple as being a listening ear, offering someone a ride who's walking through a snowstorm, or reminding the people in your lives that you appreciate and love them. this Christmas let's dig deeper beyond the checking accounts and credit cards.

The Next Chapter of My Life Huh?

A whirlwind update: a month ago, I graduated from Andrews University with a BA emphasizing in International Communication and a BA in Spanish Studies (so yes, that does mean that I have the ability to speak with at least 90% fluency). The past four weeks, I was traveling around Chile and Brasil with 49 other students to complete the last six credits I needed for my Spanish degree. A great end to a college career huh?


Do I sound marketable enough yet? Well, I'm sure after 2 Master's degrees, 3 Doctorates, a PhD, and a command of at least 5-6 more languages, I can get that dream job--whatever(s) it is that I'm dreaming to achieve.

Anyways, I came back home less than a week ago, spent a long weekend at home with my family and dog, did some laundry, got my fill of TV and home-cooking, and packed up again to move back to good ol' Berrien Springs where I'm currently living [pretty destitutely] by myself in a basement apartment right next to the house, formerly known as the 'Filipino Sorority House,' where I lived with 3-4 other [Filipina] girls for a large part of my college experience.

Before I drove away from my Permanent home, my mother and I bowed our heads as we typically do before I drive or fly away. Her prayers usually requested for my safe travels, blessings for my studies and exams, wisdom in preparing future plans as I finish college, etc. This prayer had a little variation to it. This time, she said: "as Karen embarks on the next chapter of her life...please guide her...." and I can't remember the rest of her sentence. My attention got stuck with the first part of her sentence, "the next chapter of her life." Have I really already arrived at that chapter? What a cliché question, but true. When I first started college five years ago, I didn't think I'd arrive at this chapter of my life so quickly! I thought I still had plenty of time to figure out what to say to the staple question that seems to automatically activate in everyone's minds once you graduate from college: "so, what's next?"

My answer to "what's next?" isn't the most glamorous, but it'll have to do.

While I have lived away from home for at least 6-7 years now, I have never actually lived without a roommate. I'm supposed to have a roommate this summer, but circumstances altered at the last minute; therefore I am currently learning firsthand how to literally live alone for the first time in my life. I admit, the first night in my unfurnished, spacious apartment, made me feel a little nervous. It was almost as if I didn't know how to act around myself. Haha, okay maybe I sound a bit exaggerated. But seriously, I guess it really does take some getting used to. Don't get me wrong, I still have friends here, it's just different coming home to [sometimes a lot] people or coming home to walls and carpet. The walls don't have much of a witty remark to the question: "how was your day?"

Anyways, the second night was a bit more comfortable with myself. I could easily just call one of my friends and hang out at their PAD until I grow sleepy, but I wanted to give myself and I a shot. So, after collecting the rest of my belongings from a friend's basement, I unpacked them, discovered my small collection of DVDs, unrolled my cozy sleeping bag in the middle of the large living room, popped in season 4 of Friends, propped my PowerBook on a RubberMaid top, and settled in to five very old and still amusing episodes of Friends. I heard myself laughing out loud several times throughout the couple hours and realized that the family upstairs could most likely hear me. Despite that, I didn't want to reprimand myself from laughing. Not then, not ever. I realize this is something I will always have with me. If you've ever watched anything with me, you know that's true. As hard as I try, I have an honest to goodness difficult time keeping myself silent. It's just uncontrollable. However, I have to say I sincerely improved when amongst bigger groups of people and am somehow managing to keep the comments to a minimum. But, when I am by and with myself, as I was the second night, I don't even try. I just let myself lose. Boy did it feel good! And I did have fun by myself!

As for the first chapter of my life after college...I guess as a response to the question 'what's next', it would read: "Having Fun with and by Myself."

Twenty-Three Years Fly By

* Sorry, I didn't realize how long my ramblings would go on, but you're not required to read it all. You may skim if you wish, however if you do read it in all its entirety, you'll gain better insight into me and my thoughts.

When I get tired and restless, time seems to stand still. To some a week feels it couldn't be longer (hurry and get to Friday already!), a month seems like forever, and a WHOLE year sounds like an eternity! In the life of the world, a lot happens in a year. In the life of a human being, change may not appear to be as obvious, but a lot could change in a year. For some humans, one year does not change a thing. They are still the exact same person they were one year ago, no growth happened. Oh of course events may have taken place in the course of their life that year, but none of it may have fazed them. For those humans whose lives did experience change in some form(s) or another, it's because they accepted whatever circumstance came their way and dealt with it. They live life, not avoid it. Because of it, they grow. And with growth, comes change.

Change often carries a negative connotation. Why? Why do we humans fear change like no other? When change often leads to positive results. In the case of personal growth and birthdays, change is good.

Yesterday, I turned 23 years old. To my wiser elders, I'm still a baby. I have a lot of life to live they would say! "There's still so much ahead of you!" To my younger peers, I'm looked up to (not literally cause I'm still shorter than most of them). Today, one of them, four years my junior, said to me, "man, you're old! I can't imagine what I'm going to be like when I'm 23."

When I was 19, what did I think I'd be like when I became 23?

Essentially, I'm still the same Karen. The one that cries hard-core in movies, makes comments during movies, gives high-fives, takes notes and quotes wherever she goes, befriends foreigners and asks them to teach her key phrases of their language, has a different laugh for different occasions, loves adventure and cultural immersion. Yet, this is also the same person with a lot of flaws and a lot of fears.

The following are some insights I gained while heading towards the age of 23.

1. I found my first two (or is it three) silver-grey hairs. I refuse to pull them in fear of gaining more. Whatever it's not superstition.

2. Wear and tear is starting to show from the permanent pillowy bags below my eyes. Sleeping a full 8 hours/night and drinking plenty of water doesn't seem to make them go away. I've begun to think I was born with baggy eyes (or that's what I like to think). Maybe, it's because I've also developed workaholicism. I'm more like my mother than I care to admit.

3. A dollar goes a long way. I have become more financially responsible and learned the importance of budgeting and adjusting my life to live within my means. In this, I have changed. I no longer throw down hundreds of dollars here, there, everywhere like I once used to in the earlier part of college. For some humans, this financial maturity comes early in their life like when they are six years old and learned that if they eat only half of their cookie today and save the other half, they'd still have something to enjoy tomorrow! For other humans...ahem, me...they learn this important life principle hopefully in their 20-somethings.

4. Mind Over Matter isn't just life-coach psychology advice. It's real life. When my body says, "you've never tried to run 5k before, you're not going to do it now!" The mind says, "yes, you can body. I said so, therfore you will. No choice about it." The mind is a powerful tool. Use it wisely.

5. I realized there is a very real quiet, melancholy side of me. When I met her, I embraced her, welcomed her, and kept her.

6. I learned that THIS is never just IT. Missed opportunities are not the same thing as a Last Chance. It's not a reason to settle for almosts. Just because he almost fits the profile, like 98% close, does not and should not be a cause to settle. God will present THE opportunity in His perfect time.

7. Despite the fact that I've devoted four years of my life to studying theories of communication and learning how to become an Effective Communicator, I still suck. Somehow I still struggle communicating when and why I'm upset with someone. I avoid conflict like the plague. I hesitate and shrink bank at the thought of being 100% completely vulnerable, honest and open. To me, it's the most frightening thing in the world! Slowly but surely, I'm trying. I'm making very small baby steps towards being open and communicative. Why do you think I'm doing this (blogging)? Oh, if it weren't such a complex and painful process, I'd take bigger steps.

8. The metabolism has begun its decent and it requires more work, more effort each year to break through those stubborn fatty deposits. I know it sounds ugly, but I'm learning to bare the truth and come to terms with it.

9. When I was 19, I wanted to be one of the nicest people you'd ever run into. People like to think I'm nice. I was NICE. I don't think I'm as nice today as I was a year ago. Actually, I'm probably four times meaner in general than I was a whole year ago. I used to think that by letting everyone have their way with me even if I didn't necessarily agree, that I was being nice. And then, I'd smack myself upon finding that I'm grumbling and complaining about why I agreed to this or that. How did I allow myself to grow so old and sour? This year, it's time to change that. In the course of this year, I've learned to discern the difference between being a nice person and being a floormat. This floormat has gotten old, dingy, weak, torn up and it's time to finally throw it away! FINALLY! This is year 23 of Karen's life and she is throwing old floormats and no longer buying any new ones!

10. Sometimes I just draw a blank. I like to act like I have all the answers, but I really don't. Not even half. I only know what these T W E N T Y - T H R E E years have brought to my life...and sometimes, I even have to struggle to retrieve and dust off the old cob-webbed archives shoved at the back of what we call memory. I've learned something important: It's perfectly okay not to know-it-all.

I didn't have overly-dramatic epiphanies and discoveries about myself. But I do believe that change did occur in my life. I don't routinely do this after every birthday, but now that I have, I have to say it's been quite cathartic and helpful. This exercise helped me be a little more objective with myself. I encourage anyone who's never tried it, during your birthday (or within close range of it) to reflect on the change(s) you experienced that year.