my life as shaped by 2008

sorry folks, it's been a while since i've last been in touch with my laptop here. It's not like me to delay so long on my reflections on the past year and foresights for the new year however I have good reason (as i always do). my cousin Toots arrived from the philippines shortly before Christmas to temporarily live with my family and since she's not working, the majority of her time is spent on my laptop--every day. i'm not casting blame on her for my lack of writing because of course all i have to do to get it back is ask. so my second reason is due to some great news and development in my professional life. i mentioned in some of my past entries that i began working for Apple retail in October. i took advantage of the few hours i was scheduled each week to highlight my work ethic, exemplary customer service skills and enthusiasm ; ) ...nonetheless my hard work paid off because amidst the din and chaos of holiday shopping, my managers reviewed my month-to-month progress, general attitude and effort and offered me the honor of a full-time position. i was ecstatic and considering that i did not receive word from any of the other organizations i applied to, i readily accepted. this certainly is not the economic environment in which one should be picky especially if it comes wrapped with a great team and benefits. it's been a full month since THE offer and i'm definitely happy and excited to see where the road of 2009 will lead me. so far, the customer experiences i've encountered have enriched my life and provided me reason to wake up every morning. i will have to expand on some of those encounters in a future post. 

today really is just meant for catching up. 

2008 has come and gone. in retrospect, i would consider it to have been a very climactic year in my short life. my plans changed from month to month, some decisions which seemed trivial then turned out to be quite significant in shaping the path for future plans and decisions to follow. i didn't write about it then, but last spring i had in my mind that i would spend 6 months after graduation living abroad in london off the little cash i had saved up, the surplus student loans i had in my account, and peddling for a part-time job wherever i could get one. after much debate with friends + mentors and months of hesitation, i eventually saw reason in staying in the U.S. while beginning the steps to stabilize my life. in the short run, i have no regrets in staying here for now because had i not, i probably would not have gotten this job at Apple and this time for me to refocus my thoughts and goals for at least this year. i've decided that trying to plan ahead the next five years is just non-sensical. each minor decision made each month or year in the long run is really not that minor considering how it may affect future decisions.

i refrain from listing resolutions or personal goals such as losing weight, blogging weekly, etc. for 2009 because i haven't really followed through with them in the past and i really haven't created one since high school. there are a couple of things i'd like to accomplish this year that i'm determined to tackle, however i may need some encouragement and motivation to get started on the first: study and take the GRE. yes, that's first on the list. while it seems minor, it's important. i don't know what grad program i want to get into yet, but getting the test done and out of the way is step 1. we'll worry about choosing a program [and school] when it's time to cross that bridge. second is: finish paying off my current debts and start a new one(s), which leads to the third goal: move out of my parents house and get an apartment. as much as i love them and appreciate the free rent, it's really time for me to live my own life. i'm more than happy to come over whenever necessary to help them with technical problems, troubleshooting, and occasionally food, but i need my own space. 

and i guess there is one more goal for this year that doesn't really belong in the above category of "life" changes...#4 is schedule a week+ in the off-peak season to traverse to Spain with my best friend. i bought the lonely planet book last week, i have the money stashed in a CD. i just need to make sure i don't waste away my few vacation days before we actually agree on a departure date. that's currently our only obstacle, agreeing on a date. she's pretty much set on going in the summer whereas it's more convenient for me to go in the spring or fall. i'll have to keep you posted on the progress of all the above.

brief recap. i'm not creating 2009 resolutions, i'm establishing concrete goals that i'm determined to accomplish.

1. study & take GRE (alloting 3-4 months while working 40 hrs/week)

2. finish paying off current debts (3+months)

3. get own apartment by no later than sept. 25

4. agree on a date to travel to Spain

we'll see where i'm at with these by spring. i'll make sure to revisit this list often. my advice to you faithful readers is, if you've got personal goals that you'd like to attain, set specific timeframes in which to achieve them. without a timeframe and specific steps with which to reach them, they just seem like unconquerable Goliaths or unreachable Mt. Everests. it's always been helpful for me to break down those large goals into mini-goals that can be achieved one week at a time. try it and let me know how it goes for you. best wishes as we all embark on our LIFE JOURNEY's of 2009!!

decluttering: letting go & embracing the future

Rather than trying to promise daily posts, my new goal is to write at least once a week if not every other week.

so my journey at HOME (referring to my parent's house) really just began last sunday when i unloaded my car of the remaining belongings i left behind in Michigan.

while i began my new job at Apple almost a month ago, i was really still a guest in my own house because i hadn't even begun to at least unpack my suitcase. how could i when the current state of my closet and bedroom has been used as storage space since i started college? there was literally no room for me and the other things i accumulated while i was away for the past five years. i was totally tempted to stack these storage bins on top of the other ones i brought home at the beginning of the summer after graduation, but like my hard drive, i knew i was coming close to reaching the ceiling before our house would be packed full of storage bins. i really did not want to unpack them and sort through the other crap in my closet and bookshelves because i knew it would not be quick and easy.

i hate to admit it, but i did just that. i lounged around the house feeling sick, watched tv with tank, and let my stuff sit in a pile in the living room while contemplating how i should begin to sort through my mess. alas, i woke up one morning (maybe it was tuesday) and decided to put my contemplating into action. unfortunately i didn't do a very good job at visually documenting every step of the process. i should have taken a "before" picture before i started attacking each corner but i only started taking photos halfway through the renovation. my room is a square with two windows (on the left of one wall), adjacent to that wall is a wall painted red. the other walls are a light gray with white trim. my parents originally positioned my bed in the corner between the windows and the red wall. at the foot of my bed was a stack of plastic drawers and a large 5-tiered bookcase against the red wall. directly to the right of the bookcase is a mirrored closet that really is not meant to contain much more than one person's regular-sized wardrobe. my mom has from time to time been guilty of storing unwanted clothes, blankets, towels, typical household odds and ends mixed in with the few items i left in there for the times i did come home for a visit. so if you were to just quickly glance in there, the closet would appear quite full. anyways, here's what my room began to look like after i started the DE-CLUTTERING process:

my dad and i rotated the bed so it would be centered against the red wall with the foot facing the opposite grey wall rather than it's previous position against the corner opposite the closet. since the goal was to also move the tall bookcase, i temporarily unloaded my library into a box until i could get the bookcase to the corner diagonal from its current position.

yes, the goal was to clear up this corner and move the beige bookcase to the corner where this black bookcase is currently standing. also, to the left of the black bookcase stand two consoles side by side. they too were fully loaded with a bunch of crap i had accumulated through time. a few of the items i found are displayed below. after painstakingly sorting through each item and discarding a majority of them, i moved one console to each side of the bed. it was not an easy feat.

there were two spindles of old burnt CDs with MP3s, movies, and games my brother downloaded mixed with some originals i.e. Spice Girls and the 1996 Grammy Nominees. I began my music library at a young age (12 years ago I would've been 11 yrs. old) and at that time the iPod did not yet exist hence homemade mixes. unfortunately i think i already threw away all the old cassette tape mixes the first time we moved. so, i threw away most of the CDs, they were scratched up anyway and kept these few so my brother can reminisce and take his own journey through memory lane when he comes home for Thanksgiving.

the contains of this box used to be an authentic marble vase handmade in Egypt. I went on a 5-week tour of the Middle East in summer 2005, bought this in Luxor, Egypt after seeing a man work his magic with marble stone. Considering i paid quite a bit for it and made sure the man wrapped it as securely as he could, I hand-carried it for the remainder (4 weeks) of the trip intended on gifting this to my parents when i returned home. unfortunately the contents didn't quite make it to the United States in one piece. the shards you see above actually occurred halfway through the rest of the trip. i didn't realize it until i opened it upon arrival at home. i was so heartbroken that my prized gift to my parents couldn't even resemble a vase anymore. for some reason, i couldn't part with it right away, left the shards in the box and tucked the box away down in a corner in the lower part of the console in my room. i quickly forgot about it and other items i brought home from other countries began to take up space to my already small room. i could've just thrown it away when i saw it was beyond repair, but maybe it was the thought of having spent so much money on one item only for the tangibility to be shattered before it could even be used. or maybe it was because i bought it in Egypt and even if they were just shards i could still hold on to a little bit of that experience regardless the direction our individual lives (my travel partners) would take us. maybe it was both.

anyways, i've decided that moving on doesn't necessarily mean i have to forget those experiences, i'm just making room for new ones. while these shards apparently meant something to me, i let them go and put them in the trash (after taking photos of them). they were only taking up precious space that i need to use for new souvenirs.

next item(s): two walletbooks. huge back in junior high and high school. i decided to keep them, after all they are full of pictures and it's fun to look at them every few years just to chuckle about how much we've changed (or not) since those days.

a taste of my massively increasing book collection.
- my fave Dr. Seuss book: "Oh the Places You'll Go" gifted to me when I graduated high school from my best friend's sister.
- a few old yearbooks
- marketing research books i bought as reference for some papers i had to write but turned out they were quite good reads--Why We Buy by Paco Underhill is so mind-opening. I recommend you pick up a copy. You'll find yourself in the book more often than you expect.
- some of my books were obviously for classes i.e. Advertising & Promotion. actually, that was probably one of my favorite classes; 1. because i loved the teacher 2. i took it as an elective 3. it's a very well-written textbook.

i did discard quite a few books, but in the end i actually ended up still keeping the majority of them. i'm now trying to convince myself to go through them again and sell some of my older textbooks despite a voice in my head telling me that i may need to refer to them some day for future papers or research i may need to do...i dunno, it seems these are the hardest items for me to let go. hmmm, don't judge.

the hallway and guest bedroom where packed with stuff while i was busy moving and organizing in my room. eventually, it all got cleared out of the way and went to the garage. while i threw away lots of old papers and contents of binders that i've collected from possibly every class in college, most of the other stuff i just threw in storage bins and marked them "Garage Sale items." if anyone needs binders (i have pretty much every size), un-used college rule notebook paper, dividers (color and clear, with or without pockets), notebooks, just let me know! it'll save you some money if you're still in school! don't worry they are all in good condition, i threw away anything that was broken or looked crappy.

after pictures

while i still have very mismatched furniture. at least it looks cleaner, less-crowded, and organized. i removed all the things that are no longer pertinent to this part of my life and kept those that i think can still presently serve a purpose and possibly the future. of course tank is a permanent fixture that i'm glad my family attained three years ago. life wouldn't be half as entertaining without him. he's the one thing (or creature) that brings joy to this home.

transitioning from a 40+ hour work week, living in my own apartment, having my own routine and activities, to working only 10 hours a week, moving everything i owned from that apartment and finding space for it in an already filled household, and coinciding with other people's (my parents) routines and schedules...this entire week was a cathartic process for me. sorting through the past and making space for the present and future is really helping me adjust and cope with the change(s) that have naturally developed in the past few months.

my room wasn't the only room that went through changes, actually i re-arranged the entire family room downstairs as well, i just didn't document it. it may have only been two people living in this big house, but somehow they've just made it their own. my parents didn't intentionally shove us out of the house; my brother and i just went off to college and only came home for a weekend or week(s) here and there. since we weren't here on a daily basis, each room kinda acclimatized to my parents habits, activities, routines, etc. the entire house molded to their daily life. since i will be living with them now, i need to transition from just being a visitor to a daily resident meaning the shape and mold of the house has now to adjust to having a third person with a different lifestyle and routine. i'm not the only one adjusting, my parents are too. it's not just about them anymore, it's about all of us and living harmoniously together.

this re-arranging and organizing was just the beginning of the process. the next few weeks will only see more progress in this development process i call "moving home and decluttering." next week's project is my brother's room and then maybe i'll take a break, find some recipes and take up some cooking. we'll see...it's going to be one week at a time.

thanks for enduring my extremely long posts and therapeutic rants. i don't assume you read it all, but if you do Reader, thanks. thanks for being there with me and going through this with me. i encourage anyone who's going through any life changes to find something productive to help you embrace the change and process it in a healthy manner. good luck!

udpates: i've been too busy living or no one woke me up after september ended

you know the song, "wake me up when september ends?" yeah, it took me a little bit longer past september to wake up. now, it's mid-october. It's not that I have nothing to write about, rather I've had too many things going on that I didn't know which to blog about or if I even wanted to share what's been going on in my life. matthew says the truth: "if you're not blogging, it means you're too busy living."

or...maybe i just wanted to wake up when october ends? haha...nice try huh? anyways, here's the updates:

since my last entry of Aug 29, Obama and McCain have debated twice, both of which I think were quite unsuccessful and demoralizing--the American people don't want to hear two grown men bicker and throw insults at each other (you know who does what more than the other); we want to actually discuss the issues and concerns currently relevant to our lives! Plus side about the political antics, Sarah Palin has just provided more fuel for SNL and Tina Fey to provide entertainment for America so we can be distracted from the reality of our lives.

besides politics, since my last entry I stood as a bridesmaid in my childhood friend's wedding with 10 other bridesmaids and 11 groomsmen...yes, it was a VERY large wedding, but fun nonetheless. most traditional weddings are typically the same if the couple doesn't get wed in a Vegas chapel: a large bridal entourage, lots of flowers, toole, lots of guests, lots of pictures, and a dance party after the reception.

the very same weekend of my friend's wedding (Labor day weekend), i discovered that I did not get accepted for the job I really wanted, realized that I was now officially unemployed and made up for it by becoming the proud owner of my very own iPhone 3G. the rest of that week I spent wallowing in despair. my mood lifted momentarily when i received a phone call from Apple a few days after receiving the "bad" news. the manager at the local Apple retail store near my home had just finished reviewing the resume I [forgot] sumbitted a month before and invited me for an interview. Of course I accepted! I interviewed two days later, gave them my all, and a week later I called back to ask the results...the follow-up phone call went like this:

me: "hi my name is karen. how are you doing today? i came and interviewed with Manager 1 and 2 last week and I was just calling to follow-up and see what your collective decision was?"
manager: "hi, karen I was just about to call you. unfortunately, at this time we have decided to accept some of the other applicants. I'm sorry."
me: speechless. I politely thank her for her time and the opportunity to interview and hang up. still speechless. thoughts run through my head, "what could I have done better? what did I say wrong? am I really that bad of an interviewer?" etc...

10 minutes pass and my iPhone rings again. it's the Apple store. what else did she forget to say?

manager: "hi, Karen! I'm so sorry, I read the wrong file! I made a mistake and I actually wanted to tell you that we do want to go ahead with you and have you start as soon as possible."
me: speechless. "Thank you! I would love to"

now, here's the clincher. between the time I interviewed and the above phone call, I went back up to Andrews to get some of my stuff and visit some friends. While I was there, a dear friend who's also the Alumni director, offered me an opportunity to do some contract work while waiting to start with Apple. I graciously accepted. who's going to turn down money and awesome experience? not me. ever.

so, I respectfully told the Apple store manager that I would be doing some contract work for a couple of weeks and they told me that I wouldn't be starting training anyway for another couple weeks so it ended up working out perfectly! I gained some amazing event planning experience assisting with Homecoming events for Alumni weekend, got to spend a little more time at Andrews, and Apple was flexible enough to let me start when I completed my contract. It turned out to be a win-win situation! It definitely helped keep me from twiddling my thumbs.

I helped out with one last event (the Harvest Picnic) on Saturday night, the last weekend of September, woke up super duper early on a Sunday morning and drove down to Chicago with a few of my belongings from my apartment. I stopped by my parents' home to check on the dog (tank) for half an hour (the parents went on a weeklong road trip) and went straight to the Apple store in Oak Brook to begin my new experience in retail.

I have had a wide variety of work experiences in my short life, but never actually dabbled in retail, so why not give it a try now? who said you had to go directly to a full-time career straight out of college? there are no absolutes about post-college career options. anyways, i've always been curious to experience retail and who better to work for than the giant conglomerate Apple Inc.? I've been a huge fan and Apple user for many years now (thanks to my great friend andriy who converted me from a Windows Sony Vaio--he was the original commercial).



after four scholastic days of training, I officially became shirted "Mac Specialist." This week marks the completion of my second official week since I finished training and I can truly say "yep, I'm proud to be working retail and working at Apple." :)

while I've had some depressing moments during this whole process and transition(s) between college and home, old comfortable campus job to no job, successful interviews and contract work, i'm still grateful for having gone through these past couple of months. everyone comes out of college and goes through something different. some may seem to have more of a clearly directed path while others will fumble for a while until they realize their focus or passion or both. but regardless, we will all learn something about life and about ourselves in the process.

what i've learned so far about myself during this (sometimes enduring) process is that i love to work regardless what kind of work it is. but not necessarily for the right reasons. i like to work for the experience [and money], but really i liked to be constantly working and being busy because it helps me stay distracted from the deep, jumbled emotions that have been stockpiled for so long but have to be eventually dealt with. that's the reality i learned about myself. so now i'm accepting it and trying to find ways to be real with others and more importantly with myself.

also, in addendum (to this already long entry) i've begun to like living at home again, getting accustomed to a new routine, reconnecting with old friends, and making NEW friends! it might have just taken leaving Andrews for me to realize that there is a whole world of wonderful, beautiful people out there ready for me to discover and meet.

that's the update for the past month and half. hopefully i will be more faithful and blog more regularly so i don't stockpile it all in one long speil another month and half from now.

quick recap...

1. interviewed for a job, got denied -- it's okay, i LIVE
2. my friend entered the life of marriage
3. got an iPhone 3G!
4. interviewed with Apple for retail position
5. did contract work for Andrews Alumni office
6. started work at Apple store
7. september ended
8. making new friends
9. learning to deal with life's cards for me
10. choosing to LIVE and continue my journey

The Next Chapter of My Life Huh?

A whirlwind update: a month ago, I graduated from Andrews University with a BA emphasizing in International Communication and a BA in Spanish Studies (so yes, that does mean that I have the ability to speak with at least 90% fluency). The past four weeks, I was traveling around Chile and Brasil with 49 other students to complete the last six credits I needed for my Spanish degree. A great end to a college career huh?


Do I sound marketable enough yet? Well, I'm sure after 2 Master's degrees, 3 Doctorates, a PhD, and a command of at least 5-6 more languages, I can get that dream job--whatever(s) it is that I'm dreaming to achieve.

Anyways, I came back home less than a week ago, spent a long weekend at home with my family and dog, did some laundry, got my fill of TV and home-cooking, and packed up again to move back to good ol' Berrien Springs where I'm currently living [pretty destitutely] by myself in a basement apartment right next to the house, formerly known as the 'Filipino Sorority House,' where I lived with 3-4 other [Filipina] girls for a large part of my college experience.

Before I drove away from my Permanent home, my mother and I bowed our heads as we typically do before I drive or fly away. Her prayers usually requested for my safe travels, blessings for my studies and exams, wisdom in preparing future plans as I finish college, etc. This prayer had a little variation to it. This time, she said: "as Karen embarks on the next chapter of her life...please guide her...." and I can't remember the rest of her sentence. My attention got stuck with the first part of her sentence, "the next chapter of her life." Have I really already arrived at that chapter? What a cliché question, but true. When I first started college five years ago, I didn't think I'd arrive at this chapter of my life so quickly! I thought I still had plenty of time to figure out what to say to the staple question that seems to automatically activate in everyone's minds once you graduate from college: "so, what's next?"

My answer to "what's next?" isn't the most glamorous, but it'll have to do.

While I have lived away from home for at least 6-7 years now, I have never actually lived without a roommate. I'm supposed to have a roommate this summer, but circumstances altered at the last minute; therefore I am currently learning firsthand how to literally live alone for the first time in my life. I admit, the first night in my unfurnished, spacious apartment, made me feel a little nervous. It was almost as if I didn't know how to act around myself. Haha, okay maybe I sound a bit exaggerated. But seriously, I guess it really does take some getting used to. Don't get me wrong, I still have friends here, it's just different coming home to [sometimes a lot] people or coming home to walls and carpet. The walls don't have much of a witty remark to the question: "how was your day?"

Anyways, the second night was a bit more comfortable with myself. I could easily just call one of my friends and hang out at their PAD until I grow sleepy, but I wanted to give myself and I a shot. So, after collecting the rest of my belongings from a friend's basement, I unpacked them, discovered my small collection of DVDs, unrolled my cozy sleeping bag in the middle of the large living room, popped in season 4 of Friends, propped my PowerBook on a RubberMaid top, and settled in to five very old and still amusing episodes of Friends. I heard myself laughing out loud several times throughout the couple hours and realized that the family upstairs could most likely hear me. Despite that, I didn't want to reprimand myself from laughing. Not then, not ever. I realize this is something I will always have with me. If you've ever watched anything with me, you know that's true. As hard as I try, I have an honest to goodness difficult time keeping myself silent. It's just uncontrollable. However, I have to say I sincerely improved when amongst bigger groups of people and am somehow managing to keep the comments to a minimum. But, when I am by and with myself, as I was the second night, I don't even try. I just let myself lose. Boy did it feel good! And I did have fun by myself!

As for the first chapter of my life after college...I guess as a response to the question 'what's next', it would read: "Having Fun with and by Myself."