I am Humbled

I am humbled. Today someone shared their personal experience "working in the real world." She didn't share the top 10 secrets you need to get a job and survive in the real world. She shared something I wasn't expecting to hear from a talk entitled: "Working in the Real World." She said being authentic to who you are as a child of God is all one needs to survive work in the real world. But the problem is many (including myself) still have trouble/issues with the authenticity of who they are. We want to be so many things, to be a certain personality (or all personalities) so that we can fit in to any and every situation. I'm not trying to be negative, but I discovered that it's not possible to be everything for everyone. God has truly designed each and every human being to be unique and possess different qualities. We want to achieve this goal or get this kind of job because that's what the world defines to be successful. We will feel valuable if we get this kind of title or position or we're dating a certain type of person. Our identity and self-worth is tied into what we do and who we know and the goals we achieve.

Some friends of mine (the Melissa Otto Band) shared in their ministry of music as they tour the U.S. how "finding one's identity" is such an epidemic in the world today. If we are always seeking these things, trying to find value and worth in the things the world defines as successful, then we have missed the whole point of our existence. Now I understand why there's so many types of identity crises. If it's not mid-life crisis, it's 1/4-Life Crisis, which is what one of my friends categorized me in. Apparently 20-something year olds such as myself in the stage between graduating college and entering the real experience something real called the 1/4-Life Identity crisis. I haven't read the book she suggested to me yet, but the gist is these 20-something, soon to be college graduates struggle in finding their identity and where they belong in this world.

I am sharing this because I am one struggling with the same epidemic. I once belonged (worked for) to a company where I originally thought God directed me to for a purpose. I'm not undermining His purpose, I saw it, I acknowledged and aligned myself with it. In the beginning, I separated myself from the values of the world and tried to stand firm with my beliefs. I stood apart from the rest of the staff and was often commented on by my superiors that they admired me for my unwavering faith. But after some time, I began to "immerse" myself in the culture I was surrounded with. I began to compromise little things here in there for the sake of fitting in. By my fourth year with the company, an observer could say that I was just like the rest. I had eventually blended in and intertwined my old values with theirs to such an extent that my original values were no longer as visible as they once were.

I have no problem with people who set goals for themselves. I'm all for goal-setting. I became one of those people actually because that's what the business world teaches us we need to do to be successful. But the goals I began to establish for myself were self-seeking and selfish. I wanted to reach a certain level of achievement so I could be seen as worthy and famous in the eyes of my peers. Every time I received an award or public praise, I basked in the attention I would receive. I'd hear comments from others, often newer reps in the business: "oh, that's the Karen from this office that sold $9,000 in one day? I want to talk to her and ask her how she did it." I thrived from that attention. It made me feel good. I began to connect my identity with the things I achieved.

All this time, I knew deep in the back of my mind that it wasn't my own personal ability that I achieved such heights in sales. I knew that God was always involved in every transaction and every detail of every sale and encounter. But when it came time to someone asking me, "so, how did you do it?" I began to tell them all the sales strategies that I had been trained to share. "This is how you do it...." but God was barely mentioned in the list. I should have added, "Oh, by the way, I have a God who is all powerful and brought me to this job and gave me this success. " I didn't know how to share that without being laughed at. I tried a couple of times to share God's power in the details, but it didn't seem to impress them, so eventually I dropped it and just shared my top 10 secrets to being a successful salesperson. They began buying that and I found myself in front of larger crowds sharing talks at meetings and conferences. I felt like I was on top of the world. I had it all, money, leadership, attention, success, etc. But when I didn't have high sales and those really sales hit, my adrenaline and excitement would also drop along with it. I was like on an emotional rollercoaster every single day! They say, well that's what comes along with Sales. But it was more than that. Did it still make me feel valued? Maybe for a short time. My feeling of being valued and important would drop right along with the sales quota and jump up again when I made another big sale.

One day during my junior year (it's another long story so I'll give the short end of that), I decided maybe being a student missionary for a year will help people think that Karen still has some "godliness" in her. They will tie her identity back to God. I hesitated in making this decision because once again, I was afraid I was giving up something good. I knew there was risk involved. If I went off and served the needy for a year, I may shed all the things I once viewed as important and valuable in the past four years. I knew that the job would still be open for me after I returned, but would I still view it the same way?

Truth be told, I am now back from that year as a student missionary. You can say my heart went through a transition. That risk was realized. I did not go back to that job that made me feel so good about myself. I know the possibilities available, the advancement opportunities available, the income possible, but I have chosen another path because I no longer felt aligned with God's identity for me. Yes, I missed making the large sums of money, but after a while time does heal all wounds and I've accustomed my lifestyle to making less and being content with less. I went from $1,000+/week to less than $250/2 weeks. Talk about humbling. I am truly humbled.

Today, I struggle with the uncertainty of my future. I am worried that I won't find the job that I'm supposed to have because I have yet to discover what I'm supposed to do. I have a list of ideas of what I think I want. But, is it what God wants for me? And then this weekend, I was reminded that the ONLY way we human beings will ever feel fulfilled and satisfied, truly fulfilled, regardless what we are doing in life, is to identify ourselves with God. We can keep trying and search every corner of this world to find worth and satisfaction; something to connect with, to feel valued, but nothing in this world can ever quench that thirst and satisfy us like God. Will I be secure in my identity as God's child when I'm out working in the real world?

I am humbled. Because I realize that my worries and fears about the real world is common among college seniors going through their last semester before "entering the real world."

I am comforted because I am placing my heart and future in God's hands.

I pray that someone is able to relate to this and able to connect with something they've been longing to share. Please share so that I can also be blessed by others experiences.