decluttering: letting go & embracing the future

Rather than trying to promise daily posts, my new goal is to write at least once a week if not every other week.

so my journey at HOME (referring to my parent's house) really just began last sunday when i unloaded my car of the remaining belongings i left behind in Michigan.

while i began my new job at Apple almost a month ago, i was really still a guest in my own house because i hadn't even begun to at least unpack my suitcase. how could i when the current state of my closet and bedroom has been used as storage space since i started college? there was literally no room for me and the other things i accumulated while i was away for the past five years. i was totally tempted to stack these storage bins on top of the other ones i brought home at the beginning of the summer after graduation, but like my hard drive, i knew i was coming close to reaching the ceiling before our house would be packed full of storage bins. i really did not want to unpack them and sort through the other crap in my closet and bookshelves because i knew it would not be quick and easy.

i hate to admit it, but i did just that. i lounged around the house feeling sick, watched tv with tank, and let my stuff sit in a pile in the living room while contemplating how i should begin to sort through my mess. alas, i woke up one morning (maybe it was tuesday) and decided to put my contemplating into action. unfortunately i didn't do a very good job at visually documenting every step of the process. i should have taken a "before" picture before i started attacking each corner but i only started taking photos halfway through the renovation. my room is a square with two windows (on the left of one wall), adjacent to that wall is a wall painted red. the other walls are a light gray with white trim. my parents originally positioned my bed in the corner between the windows and the red wall. at the foot of my bed was a stack of plastic drawers and a large 5-tiered bookcase against the red wall. directly to the right of the bookcase is a mirrored closet that really is not meant to contain much more than one person's regular-sized wardrobe. my mom has from time to time been guilty of storing unwanted clothes, blankets, towels, typical household odds and ends mixed in with the few items i left in there for the times i did come home for a visit. so if you were to just quickly glance in there, the closet would appear quite full. anyways, here's what my room began to look like after i started the DE-CLUTTERING process:

my dad and i rotated the bed so it would be centered against the red wall with the foot facing the opposite grey wall rather than it's previous position against the corner opposite the closet. since the goal was to also move the tall bookcase, i temporarily unloaded my library into a box until i could get the bookcase to the corner diagonal from its current position.

yes, the goal was to clear up this corner and move the beige bookcase to the corner where this black bookcase is currently standing. also, to the left of the black bookcase stand two consoles side by side. they too were fully loaded with a bunch of crap i had accumulated through time. a few of the items i found are displayed below. after painstakingly sorting through each item and discarding a majority of them, i moved one console to each side of the bed. it was not an easy feat.

there were two spindles of old burnt CDs with MP3s, movies, and games my brother downloaded mixed with some originals i.e. Spice Girls and the 1996 Grammy Nominees. I began my music library at a young age (12 years ago I would've been 11 yrs. old) and at that time the iPod did not yet exist hence homemade mixes. unfortunately i think i already threw away all the old cassette tape mixes the first time we moved. so, i threw away most of the CDs, they were scratched up anyway and kept these few so my brother can reminisce and take his own journey through memory lane when he comes home for Thanksgiving.

the contains of this box used to be an authentic marble vase handmade in Egypt. I went on a 5-week tour of the Middle East in summer 2005, bought this in Luxor, Egypt after seeing a man work his magic with marble stone. Considering i paid quite a bit for it and made sure the man wrapped it as securely as he could, I hand-carried it for the remainder (4 weeks) of the trip intended on gifting this to my parents when i returned home. unfortunately the contents didn't quite make it to the United States in one piece. the shards you see above actually occurred halfway through the rest of the trip. i didn't realize it until i opened it upon arrival at home. i was so heartbroken that my prized gift to my parents couldn't even resemble a vase anymore. for some reason, i couldn't part with it right away, left the shards in the box and tucked the box away down in a corner in the lower part of the console in my room. i quickly forgot about it and other items i brought home from other countries began to take up space to my already small room. i could've just thrown it away when i saw it was beyond repair, but maybe it was the thought of having spent so much money on one item only for the tangibility to be shattered before it could even be used. or maybe it was because i bought it in Egypt and even if they were just shards i could still hold on to a little bit of that experience regardless the direction our individual lives (my travel partners) would take us. maybe it was both.

anyways, i've decided that moving on doesn't necessarily mean i have to forget those experiences, i'm just making room for new ones. while these shards apparently meant something to me, i let them go and put them in the trash (after taking photos of them). they were only taking up precious space that i need to use for new souvenirs.

next item(s): two walletbooks. huge back in junior high and high school. i decided to keep them, after all they are full of pictures and it's fun to look at them every few years just to chuckle about how much we've changed (or not) since those days.

a taste of my massively increasing book collection.
- my fave Dr. Seuss book: "Oh the Places You'll Go" gifted to me when I graduated high school from my best friend's sister.
- a few old yearbooks
- marketing research books i bought as reference for some papers i had to write but turned out they were quite good reads--Why We Buy by Paco Underhill is so mind-opening. I recommend you pick up a copy. You'll find yourself in the book more often than you expect.
- some of my books were obviously for classes i.e. Advertising & Promotion. actually, that was probably one of my favorite classes; 1. because i loved the teacher 2. i took it as an elective 3. it's a very well-written textbook.

i did discard quite a few books, but in the end i actually ended up still keeping the majority of them. i'm now trying to convince myself to go through them again and sell some of my older textbooks despite a voice in my head telling me that i may need to refer to them some day for future papers or research i may need to do...i dunno, it seems these are the hardest items for me to let go. hmmm, don't judge.

the hallway and guest bedroom where packed with stuff while i was busy moving and organizing in my room. eventually, it all got cleared out of the way and went to the garage. while i threw away lots of old papers and contents of binders that i've collected from possibly every class in college, most of the other stuff i just threw in storage bins and marked them "Garage Sale items." if anyone needs binders (i have pretty much every size), un-used college rule notebook paper, dividers (color and clear, with or without pockets), notebooks, just let me know! it'll save you some money if you're still in school! don't worry they are all in good condition, i threw away anything that was broken or looked crappy.

after pictures

while i still have very mismatched furniture. at least it looks cleaner, less-crowded, and organized. i removed all the things that are no longer pertinent to this part of my life and kept those that i think can still presently serve a purpose and possibly the future. of course tank is a permanent fixture that i'm glad my family attained three years ago. life wouldn't be half as entertaining without him. he's the one thing (or creature) that brings joy to this home.

transitioning from a 40+ hour work week, living in my own apartment, having my own routine and activities, to working only 10 hours a week, moving everything i owned from that apartment and finding space for it in an already filled household, and coinciding with other people's (my parents) routines and schedules...this entire week was a cathartic process for me. sorting through the past and making space for the present and future is really helping me adjust and cope with the change(s) that have naturally developed in the past few months.

my room wasn't the only room that went through changes, actually i re-arranged the entire family room downstairs as well, i just didn't document it. it may have only been two people living in this big house, but somehow they've just made it their own. my parents didn't intentionally shove us out of the house; my brother and i just went off to college and only came home for a weekend or week(s) here and there. since we weren't here on a daily basis, each room kinda acclimatized to my parents habits, activities, routines, etc. the entire house molded to their daily life. since i will be living with them now, i need to transition from just being a visitor to a daily resident meaning the shape and mold of the house has now to adjust to having a third person with a different lifestyle and routine. i'm not the only one adjusting, my parents are too. it's not just about them anymore, it's about all of us and living harmoniously together.

this re-arranging and organizing was just the beginning of the process. the next few weeks will only see more progress in this development process i call "moving home and decluttering." next week's project is my brother's room and then maybe i'll take a break, find some recipes and take up some cooking. we'll see...it's going to be one week at a time.

thanks for enduring my extremely long posts and therapeutic rants. i don't assume you read it all, but if you do Reader, thanks. thanks for being there with me and going through this with me. i encourage anyone who's going through any life changes to find something productive to help you embrace the change and process it in a healthy manner. good luck!

udpates: i've been too busy living or no one woke me up after september ended

you know the song, "wake me up when september ends?" yeah, it took me a little bit longer past september to wake up. now, it's mid-october. It's not that I have nothing to write about, rather I've had too many things going on that I didn't know which to blog about or if I even wanted to share what's been going on in my life. matthew says the truth: "if you're not blogging, it means you're too busy living."

or...maybe i just wanted to wake up when october ends? haha...nice try huh? anyways, here's the updates:

since my last entry of Aug 29, Obama and McCain have debated twice, both of which I think were quite unsuccessful and demoralizing--the American people don't want to hear two grown men bicker and throw insults at each other (you know who does what more than the other); we want to actually discuss the issues and concerns currently relevant to our lives! Plus side about the political antics, Sarah Palin has just provided more fuel for SNL and Tina Fey to provide entertainment for America so we can be distracted from the reality of our lives.

besides politics, since my last entry I stood as a bridesmaid in my childhood friend's wedding with 10 other bridesmaids and 11 groomsmen...yes, it was a VERY large wedding, but fun nonetheless. most traditional weddings are typically the same if the couple doesn't get wed in a Vegas chapel: a large bridal entourage, lots of flowers, toole, lots of guests, lots of pictures, and a dance party after the reception.

the very same weekend of my friend's wedding (Labor day weekend), i discovered that I did not get accepted for the job I really wanted, realized that I was now officially unemployed and made up for it by becoming the proud owner of my very own iPhone 3G. the rest of that week I spent wallowing in despair. my mood lifted momentarily when i received a phone call from Apple a few days after receiving the "bad" news. the manager at the local Apple retail store near my home had just finished reviewing the resume I [forgot] sumbitted a month before and invited me for an interview. Of course I accepted! I interviewed two days later, gave them my all, and a week later I called back to ask the results...the follow-up phone call went like this:

me: "hi my name is karen. how are you doing today? i came and interviewed with Manager 1 and 2 last week and I was just calling to follow-up and see what your collective decision was?"
manager: "hi, karen I was just about to call you. unfortunately, at this time we have decided to accept some of the other applicants. I'm sorry."
me: speechless. I politely thank her for her time and the opportunity to interview and hang up. still speechless. thoughts run through my head, "what could I have done better? what did I say wrong? am I really that bad of an interviewer?" etc...

10 minutes pass and my iPhone rings again. it's the Apple store. what else did she forget to say?

manager: "hi, Karen! I'm so sorry, I read the wrong file! I made a mistake and I actually wanted to tell you that we do want to go ahead with you and have you start as soon as possible."
me: speechless. "Thank you! I would love to"

now, here's the clincher. between the time I interviewed and the above phone call, I went back up to Andrews to get some of my stuff and visit some friends. While I was there, a dear friend who's also the Alumni director, offered me an opportunity to do some contract work while waiting to start with Apple. I graciously accepted. who's going to turn down money and awesome experience? not me. ever.

so, I respectfully told the Apple store manager that I would be doing some contract work for a couple of weeks and they told me that I wouldn't be starting training anyway for another couple weeks so it ended up working out perfectly! I gained some amazing event planning experience assisting with Homecoming events for Alumni weekend, got to spend a little more time at Andrews, and Apple was flexible enough to let me start when I completed my contract. It turned out to be a win-win situation! It definitely helped keep me from twiddling my thumbs.

I helped out with one last event (the Harvest Picnic) on Saturday night, the last weekend of September, woke up super duper early on a Sunday morning and drove down to Chicago with a few of my belongings from my apartment. I stopped by my parents' home to check on the dog (tank) for half an hour (the parents went on a weeklong road trip) and went straight to the Apple store in Oak Brook to begin my new experience in retail.

I have had a wide variety of work experiences in my short life, but never actually dabbled in retail, so why not give it a try now? who said you had to go directly to a full-time career straight out of college? there are no absolutes about post-college career options. anyways, i've always been curious to experience retail and who better to work for than the giant conglomerate Apple Inc.? I've been a huge fan and Apple user for many years now (thanks to my great friend andriy who converted me from a Windows Sony Vaio--he was the original commercial).



after four scholastic days of training, I officially became shirted "Mac Specialist." This week marks the completion of my second official week since I finished training and I can truly say "yep, I'm proud to be working retail and working at Apple." :)

while I've had some depressing moments during this whole process and transition(s) between college and home, old comfortable campus job to no job, successful interviews and contract work, i'm still grateful for having gone through these past couple of months. everyone comes out of college and goes through something different. some may seem to have more of a clearly directed path while others will fumble for a while until they realize their focus or passion or both. but regardless, we will all learn something about life and about ourselves in the process.

what i've learned so far about myself during this (sometimes enduring) process is that i love to work regardless what kind of work it is. but not necessarily for the right reasons. i like to work for the experience [and money], but really i liked to be constantly working and being busy because it helps me stay distracted from the deep, jumbled emotions that have been stockpiled for so long but have to be eventually dealt with. that's the reality i learned about myself. so now i'm accepting it and trying to find ways to be real with others and more importantly with myself.

also, in addendum (to this already long entry) i've begun to like living at home again, getting accustomed to a new routine, reconnecting with old friends, and making NEW friends! it might have just taken leaving Andrews for me to realize that there is a whole world of wonderful, beautiful people out there ready for me to discover and meet.

that's the update for the past month and half. hopefully i will be more faithful and blog more regularly so i don't stockpile it all in one long speil another month and half from now.

quick recap...

1. interviewed for a job, got denied -- it's okay, i LIVE
2. my friend entered the life of marriage
3. got an iPhone 3G!
4. interviewed with Apple for retail position
5. did contract work for Andrews Alumni office
6. started work at Apple store
7. september ended
8. making new friends
9. learning to deal with life's cards for me
10. choosing to LIVE and continue my journey

Obama's acceptance speech in Denver

With crowds screaming and chanting, "Obama! Obama! Obama! Yes We Can! Yes We Can! Yes We Can!" Barack delivers yet another empowering speech that will transcend through time.

Watch the full speech here or go to msnbc.com:

45th Anniversary of the "I Have a Dream" speech

Fourty-five years ago today, Martin Luther King Jr. gave his famous "I Have a Dream" speech. Tonight, the first African-American man in history will stand before the nation at Invesco Field and accept the Democratic Presidential Nomination.

To read more about the Presidential Nomination, please go to the following sites:
Obama Wins Nomination; Biden and Bill Clinton Rally Party
Obama seeks to woo nation with speech

The following are excerpts from MLK's original speech:

"In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men would be guaranteed the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness..."

"I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream.

It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose governor's lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, will be transformed into a situation where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith with which I return to the South. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!
Let freedom ring from the curvaceous peaks of California!
But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!
Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!
Let freedom ring from every hill and every molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

[you may find the rest of the speech @: http://www.mlkonline.net/dream.html]

Happy Anniversary Martin Luther King!

good friends are...

i dunno where my mother got this from, but i found it to be quite true, and yet amusing at the same time. go figure, i would.

"...good friends are like good [quality] bras --

they are supportive,
they are comfortable,
they don't let you down,
they don't keep you hanging,
and most importantly,
they are close to the heart."

--Victoria's Secret (fyi, my mom's name is Victoria)

embracing change

i've been staying away for various reasons, one is that all my current musings would only reflect the same redundancy of the last couple posts: the post-grad anxiety i've been experiencing.

today i was just reading a blog a PMC associate pastor wrote. he wrote about change and how the general population usually reacts to change. most people tend to run the opposite direction when confronted with change, while there are only a very small few that actually embrace change. in our current day and age, change is a constant part of life. technology, scientific discoveries, economic situations, relationships, etc all undergo change at rather rapid speeds. most of the time, it's a speed we're not yet comfortable with until it's time for another change.

i've been having progressive epiphanies on this matter when i realized what i was attempting to do--run away from change. i'm in my early 20s and have been somewhat protected from drastic changes. now that i've graduated from the safety, security, and structure of college, i was a bit caught off guard when i didn't know how i would maintain those three S's i was accustomed to having.

after two months of pep talks from close friends (whom i'm very thankful for), i finally decided to be a little more proactive with the change that's so-called part of [MY] life. rather than just sit and read job descriptions of what i'd ideally like to do, i finally took one and wrote the bestest coverletter and resume i could muster. just the very act of writing the company got me excited and started to alter my entire frame of mind.

i feel much more motivated, optimistic, driven, and passionate about pursuing something than i was a month ago! i realized how deep into depression i really was and the hole was only getting deeper. the very act of taking a day off to do things i really needed to do and improve my resume renewed the fervor and zeal i knew i once had within me.

now, i feel refreshed and ready to embrace the changes and challenges that LIFE will present me. thank you God for these dear friends of mine who take time from their busy LIVES to care enough to give me some perspective and even leads to job opportunities.

here I am LIFE! I'm ready for ya!

After-College-20Something Talk

a word of voice to undergrads out there: prolong your college experience for as long as possible.

I do not know what I'm doing or what I will be doing. I'm studying for the GRE so I can pursue a Masters in a field that I'm not so sure about yet. And after five years of studying and reading textbooks (I actually read the chapters assigned), you'd think my vocabulary would be somewhat larger. Not so much. yep, I have nil to offer.

man, am i wallowing in self-loathe? no, this is so unlike me. why am i beating myself up so much?

because it's a big, scary world out there with so many possibilities! i don't know which one to face first!

does putting off the "Real World" really prolong the fact that I will have to continue the journey of life--begin a 'career,' build financial security, pursue higher education, and if it's in the cards for me, find "the ONE," get married and start another cycle of life.

am i a coward if i choose to go abroad and search for more adventure using the guise that I'm looking to enhance my international professional skills? in my heart of hearts, i do want to do all of the above: the American Real World, but i'm scared.

what is it that i'm scared of? a former mentor once taught me the following acronym: FEAR is nothing but False Expectations Appearing Real. i'm so good at preaching that to others too, but when it comes down to practicing it myself, now that's another story.

so this is the challenge i have for myself: face my FEARs, they are only inevitable situations. whether i choose to accept them and face them this year or in the next two years, i will still have to go through them. so why waste time, a friend asked. life isn't that long. life is definitely short, which is why i'm babbling about this to you friends and stalkees.

i understand this is what everyone says is typical "After-College-20something" talk, but i'm glad i can still express it amongst all the other 20Somethings out there that blog about their mundane thoughts. thanks for letting me be one of them!